


half-awake and almost there

by pendules



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 08:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Chris isn't even sure how it happens. But somehow, without his knowledge or consent, he ends up in a band his junior year. Mostly because John and Karl think it'll get them laid and Chris is the only person they know who actually plays guitar.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	half-awake and almost there

**Author's Note:**

> For Vy, of course. ♥

Chris isn't even sure how it happens. But somehow, without his knowledge or consent, he ends up in a band his junior year. Mostly because John and Karl think it'll get them laid and Chris is the only person they know who actually plays guitar.

John literally strolls into the lecture hall twenty minutes late and says, "Guess what? You're in a band now, man. Congrats."

So, yeah, this is the story he'll be repeating for years and years to interviewers about how he came to be a part of this whole circus act.

*

"What the hell, Karl?" he says when he gets back to their room.

"What?" Karl is still basically where he left him, eating cereal and watching some show about seals or something on Animal Planet.

"What exactly happened with you and John last night?"

"Oh, mate, I totally forgot. We're in a band now!" he says around a mouthful of Cheerios.

"Yeah, I got that part. How exactly did this happen?"

"Um, we were drunk and wandering around campus. And we just asked ourselves, 'Are we really getting the most out of our college experience?'"

He pauses as if he's expecting Chris to answer.

"I'm guessing... no?"

"No, we're really not. I mean, there has to be more to life than studying and eating and _drinking_ , a lot, mind you..."

"Okay. So, a band? Really? Couldn't you find some intellectual stimulation elsewhere?"

"Wait, who said this was about intellectual stimulation?"

"I was assuming..."

"No, dude, this is all about getting laid." And then he grins like an idiot.

Chris doesn't even know what atrocities he could have possibly committed in his past lives to deserve this.

*

Chris fully expects this thing to die down as they get bored and move on to other things (from experience, their collective attention span isn't that big). But apparently it's even developing further.

John shows up and apparently a friend of a friend has heard about their little endeavour and wants to throw his banjo into the mix.

"Banjo? Really?" he points out, because someone has to.

"Oh, come on," John says "It's cool and quirky. Girls like that shit."

Chris can't even manage a big enough eye-roll.

"So, who's this guy?" he asks finally.

"Um, he's an English major actually. Zach Quinto. You know him?"

And ugh, yes, Chris did, in fact, know him.

"Quinto? Yeah, he was the TA for my writing class last semester. He's a total douche."

"Oh, he didn't like your existential haikus, did he?"

"Fuck you. My haikus are amazing. He's basically a pretentious dick. You know the type."

"Yeah, I'm _looking_ at the type."

And well, okay, Chris can't exactly argue with that. He has Arcade Fire's last record on vinyl and he writes poetry in his moleskine a lot. But at least he doesn't dismiss people's hard work and he doesn't talk down to you with a raise of his serial-killer eyebrows, okay. Quinto's a Mega Douche.

Chris sighs heavily. "So we're really doing this thing?"

"Yes, we just need a singer now..."

"Wait, what exactly are you contributing to this?"

"My hot bod, of course," John says giving him his brightest smile. "Okay, totally kidding. I'm on the drums, obviously. Drummers are always the best-looking."

"And what about Karl?" he says gesturing behind him to where Karl has basically zoned out of this entire conversation.

"I don't know. He can bring his surfboard." John shrugs.

*

So, the audition singers and only two people show up. Shockingly.

First is this British guy named Simon who is kind of the worst singer Chris has ever heard. Probably the worst singer on planet earth.

The other is Zoe who's apparently a ballerina or something and she's pretty hot, Chris cannot lie to himself even when he's trying not to objectify (he took an Intro to Feminism class in freshman year, okay, he's got this). The rest of them are staring pretty helplessly. Chris really hates his friends sometimes.

Her voice is really good too, so she gets the gig.

As soon as she's gone, Chris turns to them and says seriously, "No one tries to fuck our singer, okay, or there will be hell to pay."

*

Quinto finally shows up to their first official band meeting.

Which is basically just them chilling in their dorm room and he's pretty sure John and Karl are already pretty high. They're watching old Star Trek episodes and laughing really loudly at everything.

Zoe's in the corner talking to someone on the phone and largely ignoring all of them, which leaves...the two of them alone.

Quinto doesn't really even acknowledge him. He wonders if he even remembers giving him hell last semester.

"Who's writing the songs?" he asks eventually. "Because I have some ideas..."

"I thought I would," Chris says smoothly, not because he actually had thought about it, but seriously, he's probably the most qualified anyway.

Quinto looks at him curiously, as if just realising he's there. "Well, I hope they're better than your attempts at prose anyway..."

And Chris kind of wants to smash his fucking smug face in.

Only then John is yelling something about a band name and how they should be The Enterprise.

"No, no," Karl says. "What about The Klingons?"

"No, man," John counters. "How about _The Tribbles_?"

Quinto looks kind of scandalised, which is why Chris smiles and says, "Yeah, that sounds great."

So, that's how they become The Tribbles.

*

Their first few practices are a disaster because Zach keeps arguing with him over everything and John and Karl just mess around the whole time and apparently they've made friends with that Simon guy and he keeps showing up and telling him how terrible they are during breaks. Zoe ends up just rolling her eyes and walking off most of the time. This is totally never going to work.

Eventually, it gets so heated that he is actually about to punch him in the face and it's either quit or sort this shit out but the thing is maybe Chris is actually enjoying this, writing songs and hearing the end product when it all comes together (as rarely as that's happened) and he's kind of committed to the idea now even though he was the most reluctant in the first place.

So, he just stops and says, "Can I just talk to you? Alone."

Zach looks kind of surprised but just follows him outside their practice space.

"Can you just tell me what your problem is so we can deal with it?" Chris asks, after taking a deep breath, because he's an adult, damn it, and he will handle this like an adult.

"I don't have a problem," he says and he looks genuinely confused.

"You've been a dick to me since last semester. Any particular reason why?" And he's not going to get frustrated, he's not.

"I thought I was just giving constructive criticism."

And okay, to be fair, a lot of what Zach had said made sense to him, but he's proud, you know, and he's super protective of his work. It's kind of the only thing he has sometimes.

"You're good, Chris. Really good," he continues. "You pretty much subverted every preconception I had about you when I first read your work. It's better than anything I ever wrote in that class anyway."

Wait, what?

"Hang on, you were jealous? Of me?"

"No - not jealous," he answers quickly. "Just kind of surprised."

"Wait, what preconception do you mean anyway?" he asks, narrowing his eyes at him.

"I just - I'm an asshole sometimes. I judge books by their covers. I'm sorry." He shrugs apologetically.

"Hey, it's fine, man," and he's surprised to realise he really means it. "I don't think you're the only one."

* 

It's better then. It's like they finally understand each other. They start writing things together, and Chris can get a bit lost in it and Zach's a good foil to that, a good judge of what's too much and what's just enough. It's like he's still editing his work in a way. He's kind of grateful for it. They hang out otherwise too, and talk about books or music or do the kind of pretentious things he could never get Karl and John to do like browse secondhand bookstores or spend the evening at a museum.

He's making fun of Zach's ridiculously complicated coffee order when it comes up.

"So what's the next step now?" 

"I guess we book some gigs in bars and stuff. Maybe even coffee shops. Get our name out there, you know."

Chris nods.

*

He's hanging up flyers with Zoe around campus when she asks him out of the blue.

"So, are you dating yet or what?"

"What? Who?" As far as he knows, he's had no love interests recently. Nothing even close. He doesn't have the time nor the emotional energy anyway.

"Quinto, obviously," she says staring at him like he's an oblivious moron.

"What? That - that doesn't - What -" And okay, he's definitely not doing himself any favours right now.

"We have a bet," she reveals. And of course they do.

"This is ridiculous. I'm not into guys. And if I were, I wouldn't be into _Zach_."

"Seriously? Those cozy Starbucks conversations say otherwise."

"How do you even know about that, oh my god."

"I have eyes everywhere," she says, her own eyes getting really big and kind of creepy. Jesus. Remind him never to piss her off.

He mostly forgets about it after that.

*

The first few shows go really well, surprisingly. No one gets drunk and falls off stage or forgets their cue or messes up at all. And Chris - well, Chris is pretty proud of them. They even get this really great review in the local paper and he secretly cuts it out and keeps it.

Maybe this is only the beginning.

*

They record an EP and it's so fucking cool and John keeps talking about how he's officially a rockstar now and even Zach is smiling more than usual and everything's kind of great.

They sell them at their shows and reviews start turning up online and it's looking really, really good.

*

It's been six months and Chris is just seeing Zach's apartment for the first time. It's kind of a mess, everything he didn't expect. There are scraps of paper and clothes and records strewn everywhere. It looks like he hasn't actually thrown anything out in years. His desk is the only place that's clean and bare, just a Macbook sitting in the centre of it, and Chris knows it's where he writes.

"There's about three-quarters of a novel on there," he admits.

And Chris has thought about it, about sitting down and letting thoughts drip from his head and form thousands and thousands of words on a page or a screen and he could do it, he knows, it happens sometimes, words flowing unrestrained from him. But then after a while it stops too, and when it does, what then? 

It's not a process like it is for Zach; he doesn't have to think about it. Thinking's no good. Maybe they don't come from his head at all, just pass through him, his body a conduit to some other place, out into the world. Sometimes the connection breaks unexpectedly.

"Are you going to finish it?"

"If I want to," he says simply.

"Some actress tweeted a link to one of our performances, did you see? It's gotten, like, a shitload of views."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

And he's kind of glad that he gets to share this with him.

*

They get signed. They get signed and it's fucking ridiculous because this was just a fucking joke in the first place. Chris isn't sure what is even happening to his life anymore. Because Zach is hugging him, actually hugging him, and he's soft and he smells really good, and he's a great hugger, Chris should know because Chris is the motherfucking King of Hugs, ask anyone.

They're totally getting smashed tonight.

*

The whole process of writing the album is almost a trance. Zach suggests they should rent a cabin the middle of fucking nowhere like they're fucking Bon Iver or something (because he would). Instead, they rent out an empty space in Zach's building to record the thing. It's crazy and more chaotic that they'd thought it would be and everyone ends up frustrated and Chris has to referee more than one yelling match. He finds Zach outside after one such fight and joins him where he's leaning against the side of the building.

"Should it be so hard?" he asks, eventually, after a couple minutes of silence.

Zach shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe this is normal."

Chris groans. "God forbid."

Then he continues when Zach doesn't say anything. "Maybe we should, I don't know, pack it up. You can go back to your novel, I can go back to...whatever."

Zach laughs then. "I think that's the only thing I can think of that's worse than what we have now."

"It'll get better, right? I mean, it has to," he says, and he's desperate for reassurance. For Zach's reassurance. 

"Yeah, yeah, I think so. I honestly believe all of this is worth it." He looks like he truly means it. And it's enough. It's enough for now.

Chris turns and goes back inside. Zach follows him soon after.

*

They finish it. They actually finish it. Chris is so exhausted that he just wants to go to sleep for a week. Instead, John and Karl insist that they have to have a huge celebratory bash. In Zach's apartment. Zach looks pretty wary for a while, until he shrugs and says, "It's not like it can get much more trashed than it is." Chris just gives him an extremely tired grin.

Chris is sure there are more people there than he's ever met in his life. He spends most of the time sitting next to Zoe in a corner while she knocks back drinks and he tries not to pass out and drool on her shoulder. He sees Zach every so often, in his periphery, walking around, chatting with people he apparently knows from school or the neighbourhood or whatever. He has this really weird thought about dragging him into his room and getting into bed with him. Wait. What? It's definitely the sleep deprivation. He thinks he's been up for more than forty-eight hours. While everyone else was taking a nod last night, he was up rearranging some chord progressions on the last bridge of the last song. At least it's over. He wonders again, almost absently, how good a pillow Zach would make...

Instead, he wakes up on Zach's couch and it's kind of the best sleep he's ever gotten in his life.

Zach is leaning over him, all upside down and fuzzy.

"Hi," he says, feeling kind of light and giddy.

Zach grins, still upside down.

"Hey, want coffee?"

"Yes. Definitely yes."

Chris sits up and thanks him while he takes the cup, vision readjusting.

"So we did it," Zach says when he takes a seat opposite him.

"Yeah, we did it," Chris repeats, almost not quite believing it himself.

"What are you going to do now?"

Chris shrugs. "I don't know. Go back to school, I guess. I just have one more year. What about you?"

"Get a job. Finish that novel. Scary grown-up stuff like that."

Chris smiles at him. It's weird, thinking that Zach's worried about something. Worried about the same stuff he is, really. It's kind of refreshing too though.

*

The album is out in September and they have another party to celebrate that (and when he sees John and Karl surrounded by a group of freshman girls, he figures they're finally getting what they want out of this - and Chris, maybe Chris is too, somehow - maybe he's getting more than he'd ever imagined). They get an 8.2 on Pitchfork and Zach keeps quoting the review aloud to anyone who will listen (and he totally prints it out and frames it and puts it on his wall after, of course - Chris would make fun of him, but there's a newspaper clipping from almost a year ago still in his wallet). Zoe's telling them about this offer they got from this indie magazine to do a spread on them, and Chris is thanking his lucky stars that she's in the band and she's _Zoe_ so they'll mostly focus on her and not on John and Karl's antics.

It's pretty surreal though, that this is actually happening, and happening to them, to him.

*

It's even crazier when they book a European tour, because apparently they're getting some serious buzz out there. 

Zoe's already gone shopping or something and John quickly follows after he and Karl excitedly yell at each other for an extended period about Amsterdam. Chris just stares at Zach for a moment.

"Is this real? Are we really doing this?" His heart feels like it's on overdrive, pumping adrenaline everywhere.

"Yeah, apparently we are." Zach still looks pretty bemused.

"This is fucking crazy, man. I thought we were just messing around, that I was just -"

"'Pine's particular brand of earnestness is not only something so altogether rare but also so finely mastered here'," and he's quoting that dumb review again but it's kind of just what he needs right then.

"Was it worth it after all?" Zach asks, and he already knows the answer.

"Yeah, it was."

*

They're at this bar in Barcelona and the show was kind of their best yet and Chris is kind of completely wasted. And Zoe's giggling with some guy in the corner who looks like a model-slash-footballer or something (and he probably is - _both_ ) and Karl and John are doing terrifically bad karaoke and Simon keeps talking about god knows what (and Chris isn't even wondering why he came on tour with them in the first place for the first time) and Zach is...nowhere to be found. Which is all wrong. Because he was here a second ago, and now he isn't, and that's just not on at all.

He finds him in the bathroom, washing his hands, staring at the mirror.

"Hey, come on, you're missing it," he says, without even really thinking about any of the words coming out of his mouth. And he's smiling like an idiot and his vision is swimming and Zach just looks amused.

"What am I missing?"

"I don't know. Everything. Life."

"You're so drunk," Zach says but it's kind of fond and not judgmental or anything. So not Zach.

"I'm not," he insists, totally uselessly. Whatever, this is what he and Zach do anyway. He'd probably argue that the earth was flat if it'd get a rise out of him.

"You are," Zach says, raising an eyebrow, and God, he's such a child sometimes. They both are.

"Not," Chris says, grinning, blocking his way now. And he kind of doesn't know how it happens but then he's way too close and Zach is pinned between him and the sink and oh. It feels good, Chris registers kind of absently. He feels good and he smells good and Chris just kind of wants to grab his stupid perfect hair and mess it up, mess him up.

When he kisses him, he's wondering if Zach can get drunk too, off his breath and off his touch, the same way he's drunk on Zach.

But then Zach pulls away, like he's finally realised what's happening, and he just says, "What are you doing? You don't even like me."

And what? That doesn't even make any sense. Yeah, Zach is a dick sometimes and they've spent hours upon hours screaming at each other but - that's just them, isn't it? It's kind of ridiculous that Zach doesn't think he _likes_ him.

"What? That's stupid. Of course I like you."

"I thought it was just - like, just a band thing."

Chris actually laughs hysterically at that.

"Zach, you idiot, I didn't even want to _be_ in this band."

"Well, how do you feel about it now?" he asks quietly, eyes moving over his face searchingly.

"It's gotten better. Much better," he admits.

He kisses him again before Zach can protest.

He thinks he's won until he gets his hands on Zach's belt and then he's yanking them away and saying, "No, I can't - I just can't do this. Not like - I can't." 

And then he's stepping around Chris and he's gone through the door.

*

It's completely weird after that. Everyone notices. Because this isn't their usual playful banter. This is silence and stiff, polite conversation when necessary and Chris thinking he's messed it all up, him and Zach, and the whole fucking band, because he was drunk and stupid and Zach indulged him when he shouldn't have.

Zoe finally corners him in his hotel room the night before they leave to go back home.

"Okay, spill, Pine. What completely idiotic thing did you do this time?"

Chris sighs. And then tells her everything.

She just shakes her head at him.

"You're a total moron, did you know that?"

"Yes?" He figures that's the right answer to give.

"So what are you going to do about it?" she asks pointedly.

"Do about what? I think it's pretty clear that there's nothing else to do."

"You're a moron," she says again. "I have no idea what he sees in you."

"What?"

"You don't - you don't see how he looks at you sometimes. Because you're so absorbed in your own pathetic self-pity."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying stop acting like child and talk to him."

*

It takes a while but he finally gets there. It's after his last class of college ever and his feet almost automatically take him right to Zach's building.

"Hey," he says when Zach opens the door.

Zach doesn't even look that surprised to see him. He just gestures him inside.

It looks cleaner than the last time at least, but his banjo's sitting on the couch where he left it. Chris smiles and sits next to it, running his fingers down the neck.

"I've been writing some songs," he says, before he can stop himself.

"Yeah?" Zach asks, eyebrow raising.

"It's - not anything amazing yet, but - yeah." He shrugs.

"What are they about?"

"Stuff," he says. "Regrets mostly." He looks right at him then.

Zach bites his lip and looks away after a while.

"I'm sorry," he says just as Zach says, "It wasn't your fault." And then they laugh.

"I shouldn't have let that happen though. It was unfair - to you," Chris says quickly.

"I get it, Chris. I do. I wasn't - I wasn't mad that you did it. I just -"

"You what?" Chris asks expectantly.

"I didn't want it to happen like that. Like just a one-off hook-up on tour. I didn't want it to just be that."

"Hey," Chris says, moving closer, urging him to look at him. "It wouldn't be like that. I wouldn't - I promise."

"Do you mean that?" Zach asks, looking more vulnerable than he's ever seen him.

"Yeah, I really do," he says, reaching across to take his hand.

"Okay," Zach says, smiling a little.

"Okay."

*

They're lying next to each other later when Zach says, "I sent my novel to a couple publishers."

"Oh, wow, that's -"

"Yeah, I didn't really want to tell anyone before I heard back, but -"

"It'll be great, Zach. I'm sure. You'll be great."

"Yeah," Zach says after a moment. "We will be."


End file.
